just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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