Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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