they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
