I'd wear matching sweaters with you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
