Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
MIDGETS
????
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
