if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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