Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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