i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
