My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
