dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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