i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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