tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
