We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
