Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
