its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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