I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
