I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Please don't give away my fajitas
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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