He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
