I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
