I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
