WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
