My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
