I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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