You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Found the puke drawer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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