he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
