His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
