Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
