watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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