You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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