Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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