he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
