Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
