the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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