that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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