then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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