so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
