I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
