I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
