You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
