I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
