I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
