i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
