I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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