Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
