Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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