it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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