Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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