I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
