so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
