If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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