I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
