I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
