I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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