new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
