a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
