My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
