hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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