You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We're too hungover to prance.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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