Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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