I puked a lego.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
