Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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