If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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