Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
