I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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