Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
