I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
