Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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