I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
