I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
