On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
