Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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