and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
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I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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