when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
