I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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