YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
