as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
