I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
