Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
