he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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