My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can text with my tongue
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize
